One-liners

I've heard some good ones over the years. A lot of these won't be understood by all, but damn they were funny at the time.

"Don't go to the mall!"
- black lady in the courthouse threatening another woman while waiting to get my underage drinking fine reduced

a: "We went to Fatburger."
j: "How ironic."
a: "What?!"
j: "..."
-at breakfast in vegas- my friend j commenting to a in, who is, well, take a guess

"I HATE the media"
-ds, who gets shit everytime anything about the media is mentioned now

"What would Joe do?"
-my friend Joe's screensaver. wow. the bad thing is, nobody else EVER sees his computer

d: (looking at a drink i just mixed) "Is that an Asian concoction?"
me: "Well I'm Asian, and I concocted it."

lowlife at Canterbury, dirty as all hell, who just raised the pot: "Eh, I'm tryin' somethin' new"
my friend t, sitting right next to him: "What's that, brushing your teeth?"

my roommate at Canterbury, who just grabbed the last open urinal: "So I guess this is what you call a full house, eh?" (looks, stares, and silence commence)

my roommate, who was piss drunk at my buddy t's house after a high school grad party, who just got caught peeing on the carpet by t: "well whuddidya expecme tado?"

to be continued...