Away for work and play for a week

Away from the city for a few days in a conference center for work... fine with me, free food, learn more about new job.

Interesting boat trip with work... that's all I can say here.

Good fishing trip with family in Door County, 24 salmon in 5 hours, 130 pounds of meat after cleaning. I will now have to learn to love salmon.

A lot of fat food and alcohol during the last week, and my body is complaining right now. I'll have softball and hockey tonight to help take care of that.

Some sad personal stories from close friends lately have me thinking of them... it makes me think twice about complaining about other things that matter less.

I now press on through the week...

just trying to figure it all out

Yeah, so I stole the title from somewhere... *cough*

That damn thing is still always on the forefront of my mind. It rhymes with "money".

I almost had a panic attack when I got my dental bill in the mail. Being a noobie with dental insurance, I didn't know how much was covered and thought I had to pay the entirety of the bill that got sent to me. And I thought I was f-ed. I think I would be f-ed if I really did have to pay. I can't afford any sort of blip like this, so what would happen if something did come and slap me in the face? I'd freak out. I don't want to freak out.

I don't know how much my car would be worth to trade-in, it has an unfixed accident, more miles, and a fat scrape that needs attention. I will admit that I really really don't want to swallow my pride and get an obvious downgrade. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but in some cases I can't help it, and if people I know saw me downgrade, I can only wonder what they're wondering. Is he not doing so well? I thought he used to have a nice car, what happened? I'm a little bit sick like that.

Today I heard one of the creepiest real stories I have ever heard. A REAL stalking. That could have permanently damaged lives. And for what? To satisfy the intentions of some F-ING creep?! It was a bit overwhelming to hear. It makes me realize that there really are some sick (actually sick, not how I just described myself) people out there. I should be thankful that I don't have to deal with some real weirdos more often.

Poker has been on my mind a lot lately. I remember the days when I could focus for a month and make an extra couple grand with some serious concentration. I still have the ability. But what don't I have? That thing I mentioned in paragraph one. How the hell did I get into such a deep hole? I'm just trying to figure it all out.

Life in a blender

Things are a bit mixed up right now. Mostly about one of the two words in my blog title. All of the who, what, when, where, and why questions that have popped into my head lately are boggling my mind. I hope that when everything settles, I'll be in a better place than I have been in the past few months. I just hate this whole settling time thing.

A few small things to look forward to... Friday the 20th is The Alarmists CD release show at the First Ave. main room. I've been looking forward to it for months, and it's gonna be huge. The weekend after that is a family fishing trip in Door County, Wisconsin. Not my ideal vacation, but I think a change from my usual crazy weekend might be good for me. Hopefully I don't go insane.

Other than that, Sunday and Tuesday nights are taken by hockey and softball, respectively, Saturday mornings/early afternoons are for Lake Calhoun, and that's my summer life for now.

Blender, hurry up and stop mixing.

What do I want?

More thinking lately. What would I want to do for a permanent residence? A house in the suburbs? A condo downtown? Another state? I don't know. I finally didn't want to go out on a Saturday night for once, so I sat a buddy's and watched the UFC Stacked. What I would call a night in. After a late night out on Friday, it was hard to get up and make myself do my routine Calhoun rollerblading. The heat didn't help. The first 3.19 mile lap was the hardest I've done, likely due to a combination of an especially rough night and the 96 degree heat. I didn't know if I could do any more. But I sat down, chugged some water, and made myself do it again. And once more after that. That made me happy. Today, I wanted to completely lay around and be lazy for a day, I don't know why. But I did. TV, nap, TV, cook breadsticks that I was craving, TV, and finally I got off my ass and went to hockey, where we just got our asses handed to us by some undefeated team. But it was a good workout, and that makes me happy. Now I'm home, and wondering about the future. I have new stuff to do at work, and I wonder how that will affect my lifestyle if I start to travel a lot more. I wonder where I'll be moving in 11 months (because I'm not staying here, I need to be somewhere that has more stuff going on all around me). I wonder if bartending will be something I get into. I wonder if poker will come back (which takes a bankroll). I wonder if I will finally begin to erase my debt rather than continue to accrue it. I just don't know right now. I do know that I'm sick of living paycheck to paycheck and that I won't stand for it much longer. It sucks to have that at the forefront of my mind so often as I watch my two ex-roommates of late buy stuff for their new houses. When, not if, I am at the point where I can say that I'm where I want to be, I'll gladly post the details. I hope I'm still young when that happens.

Actually quite a Monday

New stuff to do at work, and graduated from bartending school. Then got a call and unexpectedly went out in St. Paul. I didn't think I'd be just getting home at 1:30...

About bartending school... I did it for the piece of paper that can help me anytime in the future. I already knew most of the drinks, and most of how to make them. You can't teach experience in a packed bar with emotional drinkers that are impatient, halfway competent, and in some cases just plain obnoxious. I realize this, and can only imagine what it's really like. I may never get a real bartending job. And then again I might get one tomorrow as I have a meeting at a place I frequent on the weekends in Minneapolis. I witnessed the other "students" at bartending school and know they wouldn't survive in such an atmosphere... they were made for the restaurant and hotel bars where it's not quite as demanding, which is fine. I have heard that the "diploma" I received is usually a good enough to land a bartending job in such places, but doesn't quite cut it for a really busy bar. I know I'm witty and quick enough to survive a fast-paced environment. But do I have the energy? A true personal trial may soon take place.